Things I Use to Say

Don't judge moms out there! You never know what their situation is with their child. Until you have one of your own, you just don't understand. I use to look at babies/kids who I thought were too old for a pacifier or bottle. I also looked at people who put a leash on their kid like they were crazy! However, I have already done several things I said I would never do with my son. Things I use to say... 1. I will NOT breast feed my kid! 2. My kid will NEVER sleep in my bed! 3. My kid will NOT have a pacifier! 4. I will NOT let my kid crawl around on a dirty floor! 5. I will put my kid on a strict schedule early on so I can schedule our days! Reality... 1. After attending a breast feeding class at our hospital there was no question that I would breast feed. It is the best option for every baby and it is free. However, the lactation consultants make it sound so easy, and like everything is going to be perfect and smooth. Nope! It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I made it breast feeding for 5 1/2 months. My goal was 6 months for sure but I would have loved to make it a year. However after returning to work my supply dropped drastically and in turn I became very stressed and the supply then dropped more. I had to suppliment with formula and then eventually my milk supply became so little it wasn't worth pumping all day. It was very emotional having to let go of something I didn't think I wanted. Luckily it's almost time to start feeding him real food! 2. So, my son goes to bed at about 8:15pm. He sleeps in his crib until about 12:30am. Then he sleeps with me and his daddy! It all started after having a c-section. I couldn't move around very easily and since I was nursing I slept in the recliner my brother-n-law let me use for two weeks. Little Matthew slept in it with me. After I was able to sleep in my bed, I brought baby with me. We tried the bassinet but he was so small and the mattress pad in it was so weird he would roll all the way to the side of it and his face would be against the side. So that wasn't an option. I was so tired that every minute of sleep I could get helped. Instead of walking all the way to his room I just picked him up, fed him and laid him right back down to sleep. Now I'm in the process of getting him to sleep in his bed the whole night. Ooops! 3. As far as the pacifier.... Well sometimes you just need a few minutes of silence! :-) Luckily, it is not a must have for Matthew, but it is a must have for mommy and daddy. #mutebutton 4. Guess what? My kid learned to crawl at 5 months!!! I don't care where or what he crawls on! :-) That is what baths are for! Right? 5. Raising a kid is not the same as teaching kids in the classroom. Yes babies need routine and a schedule but I ended up allowing him to set his schedule instead of setting one for him. He still eats, naps, and plays at the same time everyday, give or take 15/30 minutes. Although he hates to sleep... and eat for that matter. All he wants to do is learn and play! He's very active! I think Greg and I have our hands full! So far my mommy adventures have been amazing! I have a great support system and my son is doing great! Now to get through teething, and baby proofing the house for a little boy who already pulls himself up on furniture in our house.

Easter Sunday

I started my Easter Sunday with a run/walk at the gym. It was day 3 of my effort to "bring sexy back!" When you haven't been to the gym in almost a year, you were pregnant for 10 months, you had a C section, and you are breast feeding and pumping for a 3 month old while teaching 17 first graders, that first day back in the gym is no joke! I lost all but 10 pounds of the weight I gained being pregnant with Matthew. I want to lose those 10 plus 15 or 20 more to be comfortable in my skin. #longwaytogo

My son was so adorable in his Easter outfit. Mom got him his first Easter basket and we all visited our old church so that people who prayed for me over 5 years ago could see our prayers were answered. It's funny, I think a lot of times we want to microwave our prayers like we do our food. I know I did. I thought if I prayed for a child I should become pregnant right away and have my blessing. But God had to show and teach me some things. He needed me to trust and grow in him and making me wait for my son was the way to do that. It was so hard and painful waiting but I think about the sacrifice he made for me that day on the cross and nothing compares to that.

The first month with Matthew was an adjustment. But now we have our system and he smiles and laughs and he is so much fun. He also sleeps more at night which is nice! I have gone back to work which is hard but thank God for my grandmother who has moved in with us so that I can finish out the school year and not have to put baby Mj in daycare. Having her here has been amazing!! My son loves her so much and he is so happy. I don't know what we would do without her.

I now have 7 more weeks of school before sending Grandma back home while I practice what it is to be a stay at home. At least for the summer. I can't wait to start a full schedule with him and enjoy our time together. He will also be old enough for me to leave him at the gym daycare so that will be a daily part of our routine. I can't wait!

So in love

Wow! I never knew I could love like this. I stare at him sleep. I can't get enough of how he smells. I hate hearing him cry. I love when he grabs my finger. I love when he smiles. I love when he makes those precious little baby sounds. He's perfect!

He is also a newborn. So I don't get much sleep. I have had one or two breakdowns in the wee hours of the morning. I thought I was going to be a great mom. I thought I knew what, how, and when to do for my son. Little did I know, its a day to day, learn as you go, tough love situation. Some days are hard, some days are easy. Some days are full of smiles, some are full of tears. Nobody tells you how truly hard its going to be. Nor do you really understand how wonderful it is going to be until it happens to you.

I guess what I am trying to say is, it is the hardest, best, most rewarding thing I have ever done. I want to be honest and give a real picture of how things are in my life just like I have always done with my blog. I never want to portray this perfect life now that I have been blessed with my son. My blessing is huge but that doesn't mean everyday is going to be perfect. That doesn't mean I am never going to ask myself "Why did I sign up for this?" or "Why did I want this so bad?" I will however, continue to thank God every single day for my son and strength to care for him. 

My little family

Song for my Son

Every morning on my way to work the last month or two of my pregnancy I sang the following song to my son. Now that he is here, I have sang it to him and he calmly looks at me as if remembers those mornings. :)

"The Day Before You"

I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

~ Rascal Flatts

From my Mother to Me

Nikia Sourina Foster,

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that you will be better. You will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that you have read more books, but because you have struggled and toiled for this child. ... You have longed and waited, have cried and prayed, have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. You will notice everything about your son.
You will take time to watch him sleep, explore and discover, and you will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of your life.
You will be happy when you wake in the middle of the night to the sound of Matthew's cry, knowing that you can comfort, hold and feed him and that you are not waking to take your temperature, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. God has given you this insight, this special vision with which you will look upon your child that your friends will not see.

You will be a better mother for all that you have endured. You know disillusionment as you have been betrayed by your own body. You have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, you stood tall. You have prevailed, succeeded,you have won. "God" has blessed you with a Son!
I am so proud of you how brave and strong you are! Love you too much

Matthew's Birth Story

           One of the last pictures I took pregnant with Bentley laying on Matthew. So sweet!

Look at that face!! What a beautiful baby boy!!

Matthew James Foster

Born 1/10/12 @ 7:14am  

6 pounds, 5 ounces, 19.75 inches

The unexpected and non ideal situations just keep coming up! Nothing about this pregnancy has been what any woman wishes or dreams for. However, God saw fit to make me a mother to a very sweet, healthy boy in the end and that is all that matters. 

On Monday,  January 9, 2012 I went in for my last doctor appointment. The baby looked fine but my fluid was only at a 5. It was time to go to the hospital. Well, I hadn't shaved my legs, nor had my husband cut his hair so we stopped by the house, took care of a few things and then we headed out to have our son. :)

Upon arriving at the hospital I was given IV, and some medicine to thin my cervix. The plan was to endure the small contractions I was having overnight and then get pitocin at 5am. However, baby Matthew did not respond well to the medicine they gave me so the plan fell through.

The next morning everything happened so fast! I was woke up at about 5:45am and the next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the surgery room for a c-section. It happened so fast that I didn't really have time to be scared or process what was going on. I just prayed and tried to stay calm.

Epidural was easy, no pain no problems. My anesthesiologist was amazing! His name was Jay, like my brother, that made him memorable. Next thing I know, I was listening to my baby boy cry! He was born at 7:14am. Greg got some great video of right when Matthew was born and when they were getting him all cleaned up and ready to meet his mommy. 

It  was amazing! When Greg brought him over to me, as I cried and saw my son for the first time, I spoke to him saying, "Hi, Matthew! Mommy loves you!" He turned his head toward the sound of my voice and he made eye contact with me.

All the complications, the shots, the emotions, the losses, and the weight gain no longer mattered.

                                                       No more shots!!

Now that I have been a mommy for a little more than a week, I fall more and more in love with my son every day. I also fall more in love with my husband who has done a great job taking care of both of us. 

                                                     My babies!!



4 More Days

I can't imagine what my life is going to be like in 3 days. I know there are going to be hard times, sleepless nights, and trails between my husband I about what to do and how to handle the new blessing in our life. Our son. What an amazing blessing God is giving us after so many years. It has been hard to always stay positive for the past 9 months. I admit, there have been tears, frustration and anger at times. It was always followed by a prayer and an I'm sorry. I never want to take for granted what so many others do. I have waiting so long for this. The years, the 3 miscarriages, the shots, the baby coming late, and the c-section
 were not ever part of my plan. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely. On Wednesday when I hold my baby boy in my arms none of that is going to matter. On Thursday and Friday and the days after when I am sore and tired, none of that is going to matter. When he smiles for the first time, says his first word, takes his first step, none of that is going to matter. All that matters is Matthew is healthy, happy, and given back to God to do something amazing for His kingdom.

I don't know what I would have done without the support of my husband, mom, family and friends. So many of you believed even when I didn't. I thank each of you for being there for me in different ways.