Song for my Son

Every morning on my way to work the last month or two of my pregnancy I sang the following song to my son. Now that he is here, I have sang it to him and he calmly looks at me as if remembers those mornings. :)

"The Day Before You"

I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

~ Rascal Flatts

From my Mother to Me

Nikia Sourina Foster,

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that you will be better. You will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that you have read more books, but because you have struggled and toiled for this child. ... You have longed and waited, have cried and prayed, have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. You will notice everything about your son.
You will take time to watch him sleep, explore and discover, and you will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of your life.
You will be happy when you wake in the middle of the night to the sound of Matthew's cry, knowing that you can comfort, hold and feed him and that you are not waking to take your temperature, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. God has given you this insight, this special vision with which you will look upon your child that your friends will not see.

You will be a better mother for all that you have endured. You know disillusionment as you have been betrayed by your own body. You have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, you stood tall. You have prevailed, succeeded,you have won. "God" has blessed you with a Son!
I am so proud of you how brave and strong you are! Love you too much

Matthew's Birth Story

           One of the last pictures I took pregnant with Bentley laying on Matthew. So sweet!

Look at that face!! What a beautiful baby boy!!

Matthew James Foster

Born 1/10/12 @ 7:14am  

6 pounds, 5 ounces, 19.75 inches

The unexpected and non ideal situations just keep coming up! Nothing about this pregnancy has been what any woman wishes or dreams for. However, God saw fit to make me a mother to a very sweet, healthy boy in the end and that is all that matters. 

On Monday,  January 9, 2012 I went in for my last doctor appointment. The baby looked fine but my fluid was only at a 5. It was time to go to the hospital. Well, I hadn't shaved my legs, nor had my husband cut his hair so we stopped by the house, took care of a few things and then we headed out to have our son. :)

Upon arriving at the hospital I was given IV, and some medicine to thin my cervix. The plan was to endure the small contractions I was having overnight and then get pitocin at 5am. However, baby Matthew did not respond well to the medicine they gave me so the plan fell through.

The next morning everything happened so fast! I was woke up at about 5:45am and the next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the surgery room for a c-section. It happened so fast that I didn't really have time to be scared or process what was going on. I just prayed and tried to stay calm.

Epidural was easy, no pain no problems. My anesthesiologist was amazing! His name was Jay, like my brother, that made him memorable. Next thing I know, I was listening to my baby boy cry! He was born at 7:14am. Greg got some great video of right when Matthew was born and when they were getting him all cleaned up and ready to meet his mommy. 

It  was amazing! When Greg brought him over to me, as I cried and saw my son for the first time, I spoke to him saying, "Hi, Matthew! Mommy loves you!" He turned his head toward the sound of my voice and he made eye contact with me.

All the complications, the shots, the emotions, the losses, and the weight gain no longer mattered.

                                                       No more shots!!

Now that I have been a mommy for a little more than a week, I fall more and more in love with my son every day. I also fall more in love with my husband who has done a great job taking care of both of us. 

                                                     My babies!!



4 More Days

I can't imagine what my life is going to be like in 3 days. I know there are going to be hard times, sleepless nights, and trails between my husband I about what to do and how to handle the new blessing in our life. Our son. What an amazing blessing God is giving us after so many years. It has been hard to always stay positive for the past 9 months. I admit, there have been tears, frustration and anger at times. It was always followed by a prayer and an I'm sorry. I never want to take for granted what so many others do. I have waiting so long for this. The years, the 3 miscarriages, the shots, the baby coming late, and the c-section
 were not ever part of my plan. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely. On Wednesday when I hold my baby boy in my arms none of that is going to matter. On Thursday and Friday and the days after when I am sore and tired, none of that is going to matter. When he smiles for the first time, says his first word, takes his first step, none of that is going to matter. All that matters is Matthew is healthy, happy, and given back to God to do something amazing for His kingdom.

I don't know what I would have done without the support of my husband, mom, family and friends. So many of you believed even when I didn't. I thank each of you for being there for me in different ways.