Easter Sunday

I started my Easter Sunday with a run/walk at the gym. It was day 3 of my effort to "bring sexy back!" When you haven't been to the gym in almost a year, you were pregnant for 10 months, you had a C section, and you are breast feeding and pumping for a 3 month old while teaching 17 first graders, that first day back in the gym is no joke! I lost all but 10 pounds of the weight I gained being pregnant with Matthew. I want to lose those 10 plus 15 or 20 more to be comfortable in my skin. #longwaytogo

My son was so adorable in his Easter outfit. Mom got him his first Easter basket and we all visited our old church so that people who prayed for me over 5 years ago could see our prayers were answered. It's funny, I think a lot of times we want to microwave our prayers like we do our food. I know I did. I thought if I prayed for a child I should become pregnant right away and have my blessing. But God had to show and teach me some things. He needed me to trust and grow in him and making me wait for my son was the way to do that. It was so hard and painful waiting but I think about the sacrifice he made for me that day on the cross and nothing compares to that.

The first month with Matthew was an adjustment. But now we have our system and he smiles and laughs and he is so much fun. He also sleeps more at night which is nice! I have gone back to work which is hard but thank God for my grandmother who has moved in with us so that I can finish out the school year and not have to put baby Mj in daycare. Having her here has been amazing!! My son loves her so much and he is so happy. I don't know what we would do without her.

I now have 7 more weeks of school before sending Grandma back home while I practice what it is to be a stay at home. At least for the summer. I can't wait to start a full schedule with him and enjoy our time together. He will also be old enough for me to leave him at the gym daycare so that will be a daily part of our routine. I can't wait!

So in love

Wow! I never knew I could love like this. I stare at him sleep. I can't get enough of how he smells. I hate hearing him cry. I love when he grabs my finger. I love when he smiles. I love when he makes those precious little baby sounds. He's perfect!

He is also a newborn. So I don't get much sleep. I have had one or two breakdowns in the wee hours of the morning. I thought I was going to be a great mom. I thought I knew what, how, and when to do for my son. Little did I know, its a day to day, learn as you go, tough love situation. Some days are hard, some days are easy. Some days are full of smiles, some are full of tears. Nobody tells you how truly hard its going to be. Nor do you really understand how wonderful it is going to be until it happens to you.

I guess what I am trying to say is, it is the hardest, best, most rewarding thing I have ever done. I want to be honest and give a real picture of how things are in my life just like I have always done with my blog. I never want to portray this perfect life now that I have been blessed with my son. My blessing is huge but that doesn't mean everyday is going to be perfect. That doesn't mean I am never going to ask myself "Why did I sign up for this?" or "Why did I want this so bad?" I will however, continue to thank God every single day for my son and strength to care for him. 

My little family