Payton

Many years ago I taught pre-school in Coppell at a place called Smart Start. I had a beautiful, blue eyed, smart little girl named "Payton" in my class. She was very special to me and after having her in my life for 3 years I decided to name my child after her. My husband chose this same name but for very different reasons. He was a big One Tree Hill fan and he loved the relationship "Payton" had with her dad on the show.

I decided to write a book called "Paytonisms" because "Payton" in my class always said the cutest, smartest, funniest, and most clever phrases. I started writing them all down but never....I mean, have not YET written the book.  

Anyway, since then a couple of things have happened. I told a friend over lunch that I wanted to name my daughter "Payton".  This friend and I were both pregnant at the time, for the second time. We both lost our first babies to very early miscarriages. Well to make a long story short, she went on to carry her second baby to term. I on the other hand had another miscarriage. My friend named her baby "Peyton" with an "E" instead of an "A". Well to be honest, the baby has a different first name, but they call her "Peyton". Most people don't even know her real name.

I was, and still am, upset about the whole thing. NOT because of the name alone, but because when I called her out on it, she told me that she totally forgot I told her that is what I wanted to name my child. After asking several people if I was over reacting they reassured me that I was not. They all agreed that it was distasteful to take the name a friend was planning on using. ESPECIALLY when that friend suffers another miscarriage and they don't.

So the start of this school year came and I was checking my class roster and what do you know, another "Payton". This one didn't start out as sweet and smart as the last one. She was very sassy! However, We developed a relationship very quickly. She started learning new things, learning to read, and she really took to me. She also gave me more material for my book. :)

To my surprise, I found out today that she is moving and will have to change schools after the Christmas break. I'm heart broken!! God knows best. I am sure he has big plans for "Payton's" future and I pray her new school is just the first step in the right direction for her.

I now have doubts about naming my child "Payton". Mostly because my 'friend' named her daughter "Peyton" and it just feels weird now. However, I will worry about that when the time comes. As of this morning, when I took a pregnancy test and it was negative, God does not yet feel that the time is right for me.

I'll keep waiting.

~ The Game Plan - a movie with the Rock, also has a very cute 'Payton' in the movie and it is one of my favs. One I will own, if I indeed have a daughter name 'Payton'.

Thanksgiving

The holidays are hard for me. I think they are boring because we don't have little kids around. My brothers kids are all grown up and it hurts me to the core that my kids won't have their cousins to grow up with. (at least not on my side of the family.) However, I am VERY thankful! I had an amazing Thanksgiving with my family. We spent the whole day at the Death Star...aka Jerry's World...aka Cowboy stadium. Even though they lost, they fought hard, came back, and showed they are a good team. Hold onto the ball Roy!!

I am very Thankful for the sweet lady that gave us free passes into the tunnel where I stood 3 feet away from Reggie Bush <3 and the other Saints players. My fabulous husband and brother got to be in the Cowboy tunnel and right behind the Cowboys bench where they got amazing pictures.

Thanks to my mom, (the story of my life) who put the whole thing together. Tickets to the game, the food, the schedule, and even cleaning and packing each person left overs. She is the best!!

Jordan, my nephew who is now in high school.....that still blows my mind, and I showed up to Old Navy at midnight.....not a good idea. We never made it inside. Too many people! Those who know me know that I hate to shop. I know, not your typical female. I like to go in, grab, and get out!! To my surprise this morning at 7am when I tried to shop online for my husband's Christmas gifts the site was down. So being the GREAT wife that I am I hopped in the car and headed to Express Men and got all I wanted to get online and a little bit more. I also got gifts my for my mom and 1 or 2 things for myself. :)

All in all I have had a great week off! Already dreading going back on Monday, BUT grateful for my job! Also grateful that in 3 more weeks, I will be off again.

New Beginnings

Not really sure how long this blog thing is going to last, but here goes nothing!


I am a 30 year old female who is not totally happy with my life. Don't get me wrong, I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but that doesn't mean life is what I thought it would be. What I thought it should be. I am a planner. I always have a plan. I have been that way since I can remember. I use to plan my clothes for the week as far back as Kindergarten. My BBFF, joo joo, has made fun of the fact that I would lay out my clothes the night before school and match everything from my panties to my socks.


My plan was to graduate high school, go to college, get married, become a child psychologist, have kids, become a stay at home mommy, be the best mom in the world, get my 3 -5 kids all in school, then go back to my private practice as one of the best child psychologists in Dallas, Texas. REALITY check - I graduated from high school, went to college, got married, became a teacher, and I don't have any kids. In the plan, I should have had at least one kid by the time I was 23 years old. Instead, I am now 30 and I have lost the first 3 out of 5 kids I hoped to have one day. I have a condition called MTHFR. I have had 3 early miscarriages because of this. It have been a trying two years. God has been working on me. I have learned that He could careless about my plans. It has been a hard lesson to learn, but hey, I am a work in progress.


My goal is to use this blog to express the emotions I have regularly instead of complaining to my wonderful husband over and over again. Maybe along the way someone else decides to read it and it helps them too.

“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”