Why me?

If children are a gift from God, what is it called when He doesn't give you one?

I titled this entry "why me" because that is how I feel on most days as far as having a child a is concerned. Why am I the only one, out of all my friends, who is having trouble having a child. Why do people who don't "seem" ready, capable, or old enough to have children have no problem getting pregnant?

There was a quote in the movie, 'My Sister's Keeper' that said the only people who plan on having babies are the ones who have trouble doing so. Well as I mentioned before, I am a planner. It has been very hard for me not to be able to stay on "my" life plan.

I started reading a book yesterday called 'Plan B'. It talks about a family who has been trying to have a baby for 4 years. It talks about how the pastor at their church prayed over them, continued to pray with them on a regular basis and still they were unable to have a baby. I too have been prayed over and prayed for. I felt like maybe I was being punished because even people who have been anointed and given gifts by God couldn't help us. What is a girl to think?

I know that plenty of people out there have had trouble having babies but it is hard not having one around to talk to. No one really knows how it feels. I have a great support team but they don't really know what to say when things happen.

Just yesterday I got a second menstrual cycle for the month of December. Obviously this is not normal. I have to go in to the doctor tomorrow for a blood test. He thinks A. I am prego, but there is a problem B. I was prego and had my fourth miscarriage or C. He has no clue, but will pretend he does, and will send me away with another pill to take daily. Did I mention that I already take Folic Acid pills three times a day, along with one baby aspirin, one pre-natal vitamin, and shots of Lovenox for 14 days out of the month? Good times! Expensive fun too!

Needless to say, it's going to be a long night wondering what's going on. :/