I Can Only Imagine

Well, I think my cyst is gone. I went two weeks with out having a cycle! Yay! I am now on the new set of pills, Femara. I have not noticed any side effects. I was really worried because it was originally designed for Cancer patients. I assumed it was going to be really strong but its not.

I have had a few sad moments lately. I went over to my father-n-laws house for Super Bowl Sunday and it was hard being his only daughter-n-law with out a grand baby for him to hold. I was looking forward to being there and spending time with the Foster crew, especially the babies. But I never thought about how it was going to make me feel. It was kinda hard being there. My sister-n-laws are both young and very different. I saw how different their parenting styles were too. It is one of those things you wouldn't really notice when seeing them separately, but when you are all in the same room with both babies, it is very obvious. Not in a good or bad way, just simply an observation.

I wonder what my life would be like right now if I had my 'Payton' or my 'Matthew'. I want to name my son Matthew because it means gift from God and that is just what he will be. His middle name will be James, after my late father. We will call him 'Mattie' when he is little, or at least I will (Greg doesn't like that) but we can call him 'MJ' when he thinks he's too big to be called 'Mattie'. :)

Here's to hoping for a Payton and or a Matthew.

Tonight I sit and truly wonder what life would be like if I was a mom. I know what it feels like to hold and love on all my new nephews... It's amazing!! I just can't imagine what it feels like to have my own child. I love my nieces and my nephews a lot, and would do anything for them. But I dream of feeling what all other mothers feel. A LOVE unlike any other.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone